Ask Me and I Will Tell you of My Appreciation​

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What’s the point of such a rhetorical question?

 

Go ahead, ask me,

ask me what you want

and I’ll answer you.

 

What’s the point of asking me how I’m doing

if I can’t answer back unhurriedly, truthfully,

gleefully, with a jubilant jump in the air?

 

I don’t want to lie and say I’m not well

 

I want to tell you my story

 

A story of why I’m well and what it took to be able to be here,

of the strong foundations created from life-changing choices,

watered with tears, snuffles and internal moans

 

Built on deep soulful roots that are so durable that external parameters can no longer have an affect…

 

I wonder whether the muses are the same

Whether they are dressed in different photonic clothes that allow all the blissful atoms to align

and produce a text such as this one

 

Go ahead ask me

and I will answer you with a story of what it took to get here,

and how lucky I feel to have come through it all without the weight of remorse

although I have felt remorse’s encumbrance

a story to be told if you ask me to, go ahead ask and make sure it is not the rhetorical question –

How you doing? How are you?

 

 

My story is one like many others who have carried baggage of remorse and have managed to endure nonetheless …

 

to fight through it all with the slightest amount of selfishness that gives you enough of a chance to appreciate the past and live in the now and appreciate living in the now, and be lucky enough to appreciate what the future holds with confidence if the present is no longer here

 

I can tell you the story if you ask me,

and you are willing to listen to me

and be present with me

 

Ask me about the birthday letters that my darker clothed muses shared with me allowing me only now, to appreciate lighter shades of creative expression

 

and I will tell you of loss,

and of what-ifs,

and of fail-ling quickly,

and of giving love back,

and of defining the word unconditional when describing whether you can love life

 

Ask me and I will tell you of the fear of continued loss only to realize that that too is a perception, a feeling, an emotion a thought-process incepted when the devilish past decides to visit you when the presence is no longer here

 

Ask me and I will tell you to embrace the morose

to appreciate the pleasant in the present

for these are tales on no ordinary madness

but of ordinary sanity in an ordinary life that I appreciate living in.

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November 2018